Margaret's Farewell

This morning at about 7.00am Helen and I scattered Margaret's ashes near the Noosa River.

Margaret rests just to the right of this picture next to the river bank.  She specifically wanted to be near this stretch of the river.

This was for Helen and I a closure after a few gut wrenching weeks.  I shall return to last Monday week the 15th November.

After leaving Margaret we returned home to Louis and just sat and talked for a while.  We had a glass of wine and at about 7.00pm there was somebody at our front door.  It was A, Margaret's GP.  He had just heard of Margaret's death and had dropped in to give us his condolences as a friend.   I think that he was more upset than us as we had had a couple of hours to compose ourselves.  He had a small glass of wine to toast her farewell and apologised for not being there at her death and the mix up earlier in the day.

On Tuesday we visited the Funeral Parlour to make arrangements for Margaret's cremation.  Helen had two pieces of music which she wanted played.  We both agreed that a Celebrant should lead the Farewell Ceremony and set the time of the cremation at 10.00am on Monday 22nd November.  We went on to the Noosa Nursing Centre where we collected a few personal items.  We donated her clothes, wheelchair and wheely walker to the centre as the are many elderly people there with no relatives and little money.  We also said that we would donate any suitable clothes which Margaret had back at home.

On Wednesday we met the Celebrant who sat and talked about Margaret for an hour while we worked out the format of the ceremony.  Initially Margaret had told me that she only wanted a private ceremony with Helen, Louis and I present but in the last few weeks she said that she would like a few friends as well.

Helen had visited  the Chapel Of Remembrance on Wednesday morning to say  Goodbye to Margaret.  I preferred to remember her as she was in earlier times.

Over the next few days I sorted out Margaret's affairs and as we had put all our assets in joint names they don't have to go to probate.  Her age pension stopped immediately and her private hospital insurance was also stopped.  I have to wait for the official death certificate to change our bank accounts, house ownership and car registration.

Throughout the week Helen sorted out Margaret's things.  She threw a lot of older clothes away,  filled six garbage bags of serviceable clothes for the Nursing Centre and four boxes of fancy clothes, shoes and bric-a-brac for the local Op Shop.  This has saved me a distressing job.

Monday came and we were given a lift to the Chapel of Remembrance by our neighbour.   There were 21 friends to farewell Margaret and we had a quiet ceremony lead by Tim the celebrant.  I had Tim read out my memories but Helen made a great job of reading her personal thoughts.

The opening music was one of Margaret's favourites, Memories, from Cats.  The next was Helen's choice, God Only Knows, by the Beach Boys and I asked for the closing music to be, See You Later Alligator, bay Bill Haley and the Comets.

I chose two photos:

My Eulogy reads:

Thank you for coming to Margaret's farewell.

It was Margaret's specific wish that she had a low key cremation but Helen and I decided that a few close friends would be welcome.

Helen has chosen the music and I have selected two of my favourite photos.

The first is a publicity shot when Margaret was an aspiring Actress in her late thirties.

The latter shows Margaret at her best about two years ago just after becoming reliant on a wheelchair for transportation but obviously still enjoying life.

Where did it all begin?

Back in 1936 Margaret was born as the third and final child to Tom and Phyllis Commerford in Romford, Essex back in the UK. Tom worked at the Ford Factory in Dagenham as a spray painter and Phyllis worked as a shop assistant. She had a brother Vincent and a sister Veronica.

The family moved to Sunbury on Thames on the other side of London just before the 1939 to 1945 war and Tom commuted to and from Ford's each day. As a post depression family you didn't give up a good job.

Soon after war broke out Tom gave up his, by now, reserved occupation and joined the army as a Tank Driver in the Royal Armoured Corps. There was a family tradition to follow. His father was Killed in Action towards the end of the 1914 to 1918 war.

Tom's younger brothers John and Bobby died in Hong Kong and Burma fighting the Japanese. His other brother broke his back as a Paratrooper but made a full recovery.

Tom fought in North Africa, Sicily and Normandy and was killed in action in France on the 19^th of August 1944.

This fighting spirit and courage was passed down to Margaret who defied the odds and survived many critical illness until her death last Monday.

I first met Margaret on the 6^th of December 1956 as a result of Rock and Roll. Now as I write these notes I see that perhaps an appropriate farewell song would be “See You Later Alligator”.

On December 6th 1956 my stepbrother, Conrad, persuaded me to go to the local Youth Group's Rock and Roll dance because he was very interested in a local girl called Marlene.  The only problem was that she had a friend who was getting in the way as they all walked home together.

My job was to keep the friend away from them so Conrad could try his luck.  The friend was Margaret and the outcome was that Marlene married the local butcher and I married Margaret.  Later Conrad met Margaret's close friend from work who was called Georgina. Con and Georgina married a year after us and are still happily married after over fifty years.

My brother Alan was my Best man and met Margaret's sister, Veronica, who was Margaret's Maid of Honour at our wedding. He married her. eighteen months later.

Alan and Veronica were married for forty nine years before Veronica died last year and they have four great kids and seven grand kids. 

We celebrated our fifty second anniversary this September. 

Blame it all on Rock and Roll!!

We married in September 1958 looking forward to a big family but Margaret miscarried a couple of times and this was not to be.

In June 1960 I accepted a position at my employer's factory near Adelaide in South Australia for a two year contract but we began to make arrangements to adopt a baby and stayed on.

In February 1963 Helen came into our life. Like most families we had our problems but the only good thing to come out of Margaret's last few weeks is that she showed how much she loved Helen and Helen's love for her Mum is obvious.

Margaret spent the next few years as a full time Mum.

In 1973 she reactivated her interest in acting and from then until 1986 she acted in and directed many plays in the Adelaide Amateur scene. She also appeared professionally in many adverts and made a few film appearances in bit parts.

In 1986, in spite of having to leave school at fifteen and having no qualifications except in typing and shorthand she sat the Adult Entrance Examination and gained a place at the University of South Australia, Magill Campus. Here she was awarded an Arts Diploma specialising in drama.

She was now able to set up a Children's Drama School called “The Young Performers Drama Workshops” She ran this until 1996 when the first of her final illnesses, Crohn's Disease, returned after 34 years. This coupled with an Arthritic Spine meant that she had to close the workshop.

We had brought land in Tewantin so we had a house built there and I took early retirement. We moved in in 1998.

We bought a small caravan and for the next year explored South East Queensland with out beautiful Standard Poodle, Pierre.

I was cycling and camping a lot as well and one weekend got hit by a car while walking back to my camp site in Landsborough. My left leg was smashed and it would be three years before I could walk with out crutches which put an end to the caravanning. During this time Margaret did everything in spite of failing health.

The treatment for Crohns was large and continuous doses of steroids which kept her alive and able to cope with me. Unfortunately they have disastrous side effects including destroying the immune system.

Just before Christmas 2003, and incidentally just after I was given the all clear on my leg, Margaret developed an infection which we were told would need hospital treatment. Here she suffered the first of several serious bouts of congestive heart failure brought on by pulmonary oedema.

Since then she had many critical illnesses which I was told were most likely to be terminal. I think that Helen has earned frequent flyer status in coming up from Adelaide to make her last farewells.

I told you that Margaret had her families fighting spirit genes.

Gradually her adrenal glands failed and she required more steroids just to live.

In 2006 I became her full time carer which I relinquished in August this year when Margaret had to go into the Noosa Nursing Centre.

She became weaker and weaker and we received much needed assistance from Blue Care. Her main RN, Dawn, was known by Margaret as “that woman” as she hated being reliant on outside help but before she had to go into Residential Care she told “that woman” that she loved having her come to look after her. Thanks Blue Care who gave Margaret another eighteen months at home.

Last year her kidneys began to fail, in April this year she had an Heart Attack and finally in June she had a fall and broke her left arm at the shoulder.

In early August she was placed in a Respite Care bed in the Noosa Nursing Centre and we were told that she had about six weeks to live. She made it to fourteen as she fought to survive.

We set goals for her to make. Little Louis birthday on the 19^th of September was held at the Nursing Centre with several staff enjoying the nibbles and envying us the Champagne.

On the 26^th of September we took her out to lunch for her birthday. We actually caught the bus from the Centre to Civic as Margaret was too weak to get into my little car. The drivers were terrific. Margaret was a little concerned as the bus rocked and rolled but said that she enjoyed it as much as she did in the 1950s. This was the last time she went out.

The last goal as it turned out was my birthday on the 2^nd. By now Margaret was on full time oxygen to combat pulmonary oedema and we had a little celebration in her room.

We set the next goal as the 6^th of December, the anniversary of our first meeting but it was not to be.

Margaret died at 5.05 pm on November 15^th. Helen and I were both with her and she was receiving dedicated and loving care from her carers and the RNs at the Nursing Centre.

Margaret and I had long and sometimes stormy relationship but in the end it was a loving one.

I shall miss you Margaret.

See You Later Alligator

Helen's Eulogy reads:

Thank you all for attending today to wish Margaret good bye and showing your support, it means a lot to me.

I would like to talk briefly about Margaret"s' final weeks, during this time it showed that Mum was suffering from a loss of her home environment and the choice to live her life with choice.
I tried to remove as much of that as possible along with the day to day evidence of this while working out a perfect strategy for all of us to cope.
That still at times remains unknown.
Other than trying to relieve the growing symptoms of her personnel misery which she kept to herself but could be seen in her eyes.

We latched on to the ideas of behaviours and routine to normalise her life as much as possible such as sharing meals, celebrating special events like Louis birthday just to mention one. Going to the shops we use as a tool to make things easier for Mum to minimise her loneliness, yet it seemed like a trade off.

I do feel it did help the exacerbating internal conflict for her. While on 24 hour oxygen Mum still wished to go to the shops. We could tell that inside she fumed with frustration about missing out on the fun times.

A smothering feeling towards a sense of obligation to the cause of limiting her loss of self, and the life she loved. For Mums benefit not mine.
The simple truth is it was not possible to get Mum out by this stage, either way it was confronting causing anger, fear, grief and confusion to find a way.
Mum, Dad and I felt it, this lead to a metamorphose of a complex collection of emotions starting with love for her, leading into bitterness of the situation along with loss, pity, and resentment, rage and guilt.

On visiting Mum she would softly say "Do I look nice?" "I want to look pretty when Dad comes."
We would then put make up on her, brush her hair and change her top, as an unkempt appearance she found distressing.

I slept in the armchair beside her bed which was lowered to be the same height. At times she would wake feeling unsure and lonely. Being there helped and she would hold my hand and go back to sleep knowing she was not alone.

Symbolically it marked the beginning of a reconnection with my Mother.
I always loved her but wasn't sure she knew how much. Doing her nails, hair and sharing meals with her helped her pass the time, along with talking about the things we did together when I was a child.

I can only admire her strength, courage, love and devotion. she was trapped by discomfort, sometimes feeling isolated and vulnerable knowing her situation was beyond all our limitations.
I have many fond memories of this time with Mum. One is her blowing me a kiss as I would leave and saying " I love you."

To be here during this time for mum after so long without my parents just around the corner. I felt I was finally home again.

Mum had many humorous moments one would be shopping and pointing to different areas of the shop grabbing things off the shelf and saying " I want that!"
Teddy who is attending today is a product of one of those shopping trips.
There was a stage Teddy went everywhere and before Mum would go to sleep she would punch him in the stomach as that helped him to have a good night sleep. I'm glad he gave her so much company.

Mum you kept my feet on the ground when my head was in the clouds. You encouraged me with steps I took, held my hand and comforted me when I felt alone. Proud of my achievements big or small. Taught me how to listen and have confidence to believe in myself. When I made mistakes were understanding.
Patient when I needed time. Guided me when I needed direction. Comforted me when I doubted myself. Gave me a hug when I needed one. Gave me advice. Kept me calm. Showed me determination and showed me how to have generosity to my fellow mankind.
Mum you helped make me be the person I am today.

Thank you for being my MUM.

I will always love you.

To everyone here thank you for being my Mums' friend.
Whether you are in theatre or not we have all heard this

All the worlds a stage and all the men and women merely players.

My sister Sue sent the following Memories;

Margaret, my sister –in –law, my brother’s wife. Eighteen years my senior she was kind to me as a child, and I remember her as a pretty, slim young woman. Years in between visits, as you were in Australia, and family visits were less often in those days, and air fares prohibitive. But she was always interested in me when we had contact. In more recent years a trio of notable visits by Margaret to the UK.

We spent some good times together. She came up to Hull , and I’d arranged a week-end in the Yorkshire Dales to stay in Herriot country – which she loved. It’s my favourite part of England and Margaret was a big fan too. We had a great time, visiting the Herriot villages and pubs, a walk to a waterfall and a great B and B. It was January, and snowy. As we arrived and got out of the car to look at the view the wind whipped around her and she shivered. ‘I’d forgotten it could be this cold’ she said. It was a pleasure to entertain her, she was so appreciative of everything.

I ended up, by mistake, driving on ice in my mini-metro, on high ground. I was terrified – but she remained calm saying ‘Brian and I drove on ice in Tasmania.’

On her next visit she came to see me where I was living in Hathersage, with my new baby, Max who was only two months old.  I have always been grateful for that visit. I was living in a small cottage, on the outskirts of a village, on my own as a first time new mother – it was lovely that she came. Even though she had to stay in a B and B in the village as there was no room at my tiny cottage, she still came. Again – she loved the area- and accepted the limitations the new baby imposed. We had another really nice time. She was supportive in a straightforward way. I was slightly embarrassed breast feeding in public – she made it clear I didn’t need to be – that helped. She had useful advice on ‘getting the baby to sleep’. I remain grateful to her for that – it worked, and she set me on a good path with him. Another good trip.

On her last visit to the UK she came to see me in Birmingham, by which time Max was about three I think. Again –she was good company, and enjoyed the local Botanical gardens we visited.

It’s nice to be appreciated for anything you do for or with someone. I seem to have got that in lashings from Margaret. She was flexible, broad minded and interested in things and people. She was hospitable and welcoming when I visited her and Brian in Adelaide in 1990 and earlier this year welcomed myself and Kirsten when we stayed for a couple of weeks. I am grateful that we were able to share evenings with Margaret during that visit and even a couple of meals out even though she was not very well.

So – thank-you Margaret for being my sister –in- law.  For being accepting,  approachable and appreciative.  I have always thought you had an interesting life. I know you were loved and cared by Brian and Helen. I know you are missed. I’m so glad I had the privilege of knowing you and spending time with you.

With love  In memoriam.  Sue Kirvan 

We returned to our house where we toasted Margaret's life in Queen Adelaide Champagne.

Today we ended this chapter of our lives and this blog is complete.

I shal be blogging on:

http://briedw02.blogspot.com/

from now on.

Margaret's Last Few Days

Last Saturday (13th November) Helen phoned at 7.30am to say that Margaret was very weak and that she was coming home on the 8.00am bus.  I said that I would drive in asap to make sure that Margaret was not left alone.  She had spent all night clinging on to Helen's hand.  I think that Helen was awake most of the night and when Margaret was conscious talked to her to make sure that Margaret knew that somebody was there to care for her.

I arrived just after Helen's bus left.  She was going to have a shower and drop back later in the morning.

I found Margaret barely able to talk but she was pleased to see me and gave me a smile.  She hadn't eaten any breakfast and actually didn't eat again before she died.  Helen had devised a way of giving her water from a squeeze bottle and we gave her water and apple juice through out the day.

Margaret was very weak and the carers gave her a high care wash,  dressed her in a clean clothes and put her in her recliner chair. I sat next to her holding holding her hand and talked to her while she was awake.  By now she could only speak in a hoarse whisper.  Helen returned at 11.30am intending to have lunch with Margaret while I went home to get Louis.

As I said above Margaret didn't eat any lunch but was happy to see Louis and fed some of her meat to him.  Actually Helen placed the meat in her hand and she let it rest beside her and Louis took it from her.  Later he sat next to her and she rested her hand on his head.  It was her last contact with Louis.

I took him home after an hour.  Helen came home for a meal about 5.00pm and I ran her back about 6.30pm as she intended to spend the night with Margaret.  I was feeling very tired and Helen must have been exhausted.   I went to bed early and was awakened about 1.30am by the telephone.  It was Helen.  The night time RN had asked her to phone me and get me in.  Margaret had had some type of attack and was gravely ill.  She was gasping for air and required regular shots of morphine to help he breath.

I got a taxi in as I had had a couple of glasses of wine and don't like driving at night anyway.  I got in at 2.15am and Margaret was more settled.  She now could barely speak at all as she needed all her strength to breath.  She was communicating by lifting her finger to attract out attention and then we would determine  what she wanted by asking her questions and she would raise her finger when we hit on the correct question.

I left at 6.30am and walked the 4km home to get showered and to let Louis in the garden as he was in for a long day on his own.  I returned at about 8.30am to allow Helen to go home by bus.  By now Margaret was too weak to get up and was given a bed wash, a clean nightie and put back to bed.

Helen had dragged the recliner chair next to the bed and when I returned was lying in it fast asleep  holding Margaret"s hand.  I stopped to take a photo but she woke up and smiled at me.

Margaret's Last Photo

Helen went home for a shower and  I sat next to Margaret and held her hand.  She was concerned that Helen wasn't coming back an said to me, "Helen."  in a barely audible whisper.  I assured her that Helen would be back and said, "You do know Helen loves you don't you?"  She smiled and nodded her head.  I then asked, "You love her too, don't you?"  and again she smiled and nodded yes!!  This was the only good thing to happen all day.  We sat and I talked about Louis and asked if I should bring him in and she shook her head.  She really was too weak to pat him.

The rest of Sunday we shared the duties.  We both had lunch and an evening snack at the nursing centre before I went home to Louis.  Helen settled in the for the night.

At 6.00am Margaret's breathing became very painful to watch she was gasping for air and making terrible gurgling noises.  The RN faxed Margaret's GP to get permission for more morphine.

I got in at 7.00am and I don't think that Margaret realised that was there.  By now she hadn't drunk anything for many hours and was too weak even to respond to the squeeze bottle.  The carers used swabs to moisten her lips but couldn't get her to open her mouth.

Helen went home for a shower and returned after two hours.  Margaret was slipping in and out of consciousness.  She has spasms when she appeared to be choking and began to cough up mucus and I was afraid that Helen would return too late but she was back in time.  While Helen was away I talked to Margaret about the happy times  we had had and even the downright silly when she had to roller skate across a stage as she played a modern female detective!! I don't know if it helped as I got no response.  We also moved her bed so that we could sit either side of her.

She suffered all morning and both the RN and I phoned the GP for a response to the fax. but couldn't get passed the receptionist.  In the end at 1.00pm the Nursing Centre's Director of Nursing examined Margaret then he  phoned the surgery and insisted that the GP respond to the fax.

Margaret's GP arrived 10 minutes later in a terrible state as he had not seen the fax until the DON's phone call.  He examined Margaret prescribed a continuous feed syringe to deliver additional morphine and a sedative to relax her.  He said that she had about 12 hours to live.  He apologised to Helen and me about the mix up with the fax and was very upset. He had promised Margaret, who knew that she was dying, that she would not suffer and he had let her down .  He believed that she was too weak to be aware of her suffering but would have preferred to provide the extra medication much earlier.

The next three hours  saw Margaret a little more relaxed and we sat next to her and held her hands.  At about 4.00pm I was going to go home to feed Louis when Margaret had another terrible breathing spasm and was coughing up more mucus.  The RN tried to use a suction device to clear Margaret's lungs but was unsuccessful so she phoned the GP to get approval to inject a dispersant which was given immediately along with instructions to inject more morphine.

At 5.00pm the RN came in to administer the dispersant and as she rolled Margaret over to give her the injection Margaret gave a big twitch and stopped breathing.. The RN left the room while Helen and I held Margaret's hands.

At 5.05pm the RN returned with DON who declared her dead.  Helen started to straighten Margaret's head and make her look comfortable and the DON assisted her.  Together they laid her straight and tidied her clothes.  The RN and DON then left us alone with her as we said goodbye.

We left about 5.40pm and the Nursing Centre arranged for her body to be collected by the Funeral Director who would contact us tomorrow.

I then realised that I have one more chapter in Caring for Margaret to complete.  That is making arrangements for her cremation and scattering of her ashes in accordance with her wishes.

I will close this blog next Saturday

Margaret Has Died

Margaret died at 5.05 pm on 15 November 2010 in the Noosa Nursing Centre.

Helen and I were with her.

It was a traumatic day as Margaret had major respiratory  problems which I will cover later in final post on Caring For Margaret.

Margaret - an Update

Since last Saturday when I last posted Margaret has been getting steadily weaker.  We have visited every day with Helen spending many hours with Margaret each day.  I find I can only take three hours.

Margaret is now unable to speak except in a whisper.  She has difficulty drinking even using a straw and is being fed by Helen who mixes up her food to a consistency which Margaret can swallow.  She can only take her medications crushed up and served in yoghurt.  Her breathing has become more and more laboured.

Her GP visited her on Wednesday and ordered an Arterial Blood Gas Test on Thursday.  This is a very painful test but when I sat with her while it was carried out she didn't seem to notice.  Her GP phoned with the results today.  They were not good.  In the link given above the normal is about 75 mmhg and below  26 the patient is near death.  Margaret is about 30 even with all the diuretics.  She is to have her oxygen intake increased.

Throughout the day her Oxygen Saturation level has been monitored and it has remained below 80 all day.  Margaret is extremely weak and drifting in and out of consciousness.  She recognised me during my visit and didn't want Helen to leave this afternoon.  Helen has just left in a Taxi at 10.00 pm to spend the night with Margaret and I shall relieve her at 8.30 am tomorrow.

Later in the day I shall come home to pick up Louis who she wishes to see.  I expect we will do turn and turn about until things resolve themselves.

Margaret Appears to Be Failing.

After posting my blog on Wednesday we took Louis into visit Margaret.  Actually Helen went in early and had lunch with Margaret in her room which means that Margaret had two teaspoons of food and Helen ate a full lunch.  It was roast chicken so Louis got fed a few pieces from Margaret's plate.

After lunch Margaret's GP dropped in to see how she was.  He is very kind to Margaret and checked her lungs and also her mouth as she appears to have problems there.  Her lungs are still half full of fluid and her breathing is laboured so she will probably need oxygen and Frusimide/Lasix for the foreseeable future.  Margaret's mouth showed that she has Gingivitis but no obvious cavities in her teeth.  To be on the safe side I have arranged for a Dentist to visit her in the Nursing Centre in a few weeks time.  Any dental work will have to be carried out in hospital.  She is now using a mouthwash recommended by her GP called Amosan which is, supposedly the best for treating gum disease.

Before he left I had a private word with him and he said that she is getting weaker and she is beginning to fail but knowing how Margaret's body fights to survive she could last a little longer yet.

On Thursday Helen had lunch with Margaret and while she was there saw that Margaret was developing pressure sores on he bottom.  These are being treated by the RN but as she spends most of her time sitting in her chair some form of pressure relieve pad was required.  I looked in for a couple of hours after lunch and we watched more of the Melbourne Spring Racing Carnival on TV.  Margaret loves the horses.

Yesterday, Friday,  Helen and I went in search of something for Margaret to sit on and the new mouthwash.   Where we live is not really a good place to find medical things but we finally found a Pharmacy stocking Amosan and a recently opened store stocking a pressure relieving egg grate type mattress overlay which I intended to cut down to fit her chair.

Helen went in for lunch as she now intends to due each day.  She found that Margaret had had some  form of a dizzy spell and had been put back in bed.  She looked really weak and when I arrived an hour or so later had improved a little and had her usual couple of teaspoons of lunch fed to her by Helen.  She looked pretty awful but still showed a flash of humour when Helen announced that she had given up smoking and that produced a Nicorette stick to draw on!  She has been trying to give up for 25 years.

Margaret in bed.

I cut up the foam egg crate materiel and fitted a double layer on her her chair seat so it would be available when she gets up again.  We both assited her in using her electric tooth brush to clean her teeth.  She can just hold it in her right hand and we directed her where to place it.  She has to be told, "Top left, now top centre etc." otherwise it just stays in one position.  We also got her to rinse out he mouth using Amosan and the carers have made a note to use it after breakfast as well.    Unfortunately she dribbles a lot of it from the right side of he mouth.

I had intended that Helen should go home next Sunday the 14th but we both agree that we should wait what the next few days bring before making the airline booking.  It is a long way to Adelaide!

We are going in about 10.30 am today with Louis and I will bring him home at lunch time and return to pick Helen up this afternoon.

Helen is Here

Margaret was much the same for the rest of last week and her GP visited her on Thursday evening and phoned me to let me know that the fluid level in her lungs appeared to be receding but he would keep up the Frusimide/Lasix  until they were clear.  She is still on Oxygen.  She is definitely showing signs of a recent stroke and leans to her right when sitting in her chair and dribbles from the right side of her mouth when drinking or eating.  The GP doesn't think that there is any point in her having a CT scan to determine the extent of the stroke as she is still a high risk candidate for a heart Attack and/or complete Renal Failure.

I visit everyday now for a couple of hours and on Saturday I took in Louis.  She loves him visiting and after his first excitement at seeing her he settles down and accepts pats from everybody.  Margaret was very exited about Helen's visit and it took some time to explain that it would be about 11.00am on Sunday before she would be there.

I drove down to Brisbane Airport early on Sunday morning to meet Helen's 8.00 am flight and drove her straight to the Nursing Centre, sort of!  Noosa had its annual Triathlon which has 8,000 competitors.  This meant that I had to take a 25 km detour to avoid the closed roads but we got there just before 11.00 am.  Helen went in on her own and received a great welcome from Margaret.  Helen is now the best daughter in the world which is a change as during her last visit she was the worst!  We spent several hours with Margaret before taking Helen home to unpack and eat.

Helen visited mid-morning on Monday and had lunch with Margaret in her room.  I dropped in after lunch and stayed with them for a couple of hours. Helen was a little taken aback by Margaret's physical deterioration but amazed by her improved mental condition.  She still has dementia but is living in the here and now and not hallucinating.  She has difficulty in talking but what she say is sensible and either reacting to real time events or asking sensible questions.  She is also in a very loving mode.

While there Helen arranged to get a present from Margaret to me for my birthday on Tuesday and prepare for the Birthday/Melbourne Cup party planned for next day.

On Tuesday Helen went shopping and I cut up the meat and cheese etc for the party.  We visited at about noon and set up Margaret room.  We arranged tables around her chair and Louis sat as close as he could.  I think the regular tit bits from Margaret helped.  Margaret and Helen had a bottle of Champagne and I drank non-alcoholic diet ginger ale while we had various meats, cheeses, pates tomato and cucumber on cracker biscuits.  At 2.00 pm we watched the big race on Margaret's TV and wouldn't you believe it a French horse won.  Fortunately we hadn't placed any bets but enjoyed looking at the horses and fashions on display.  I left at 2.30 pm taking home the debris and Helen stayed until 5.00 pm. 

It was a nice little party and some of the carers dropped by for a biscuit and pate.  They were involved in the big Melbourne Cup Party in the main dining room where most of the mobile residents enjoyed a special lunch followed by the race on TV.  The tables were set up in a racing theme and the ladies all had hats and dressed up for the occasion. It was a lot of work but I think the residents liked it.


Today things will be back to normal and we shall visit later today.

Chairs and Photographs

Now that's a different title isn't it but it sums up the last few days.

In spite of what Margaret said about Louis I took him in to visit her on Saturday and Sunday and she was really pleased to see him.  I also took in my external hard drive as Margaret's new TV had a USB connector and it was supposed to be possible to show JPEG images through it.   It was!  We have had several hours of slide shows with photos datng from 1918 upto last month.

The carers and RNs have dropped in to see some of the pictures and one from about 1970 got the most interest.

Margaret's Mum, Helen and Margaret.

They just loved the mini and the general comment was, "Look at those legs!".  Margaret just loved all the pictures of our pets from over last 50 years.  I am now adding photos from more recent events and we will have shows most days.

Their was one problem. The electrically assisted recline and lift chair which we had bought for Margaret had stopped working and even worse it failed to support her legs without being propped up by another chair.  The chair is nearly new but I had no warranty agreement and it would have to be returned to the supplier for repair.  On Sunday afternoon I decided to take in one of our reclining chair from home while the other was being fixed. 

First I had to get it out of the house and found that it would not fit through any of our doors without laying it on its side and wiggling it through the doorway.  Next I had to get it onto my trailer which if did using a sack barrow and laying it on its back on the trailer bed.  At the nursing home I got it on the sack barrow and wheeled it to Margaret's room where one of the male carers assisted me with swapping the chairs over and getting the broken one back on the trailer.  I didn't stop but just left Margaret to be sorted out by the carers.  When I went in on Monday she was lying in the replacement chair and fast asleep.  When she woke she said how happy she was having her "own" chair back.  She does not want me to bring the electrically assisted one back!

Actually the carers told me that they like the manually operated ones so does anybody want a slightly used, broken electrically assisted recline and lift chair at present lying on my trailer in the garage!!

On Monday and Tuesday Margaret has been much the same.  That is very weak and still requiring Oxygen assistance for breathing.  The pain control is being better managed and she appears to be more comfortable.  Her GP visited on Monday and was pleased to say that she hadn't deteriorated but still said that she could go into a decline quite suddenly.  In the mean time Helen will be here on Sunday and we are planning my birthday party which will be in Margaret's room next Tuesday lunchtime when we will also watch Australia's Premier horse race The Melbourne Cup.  Louis will also attend and visitors are welcome.