A Really Bad few Days

Ola commented that I hadn't blogged for a few days and asked how we were. The answer is not too good.

I wont dwell on day to day activities which when things are going well don't change too much but just explain why I have been quiet.

I first started caring for Margaret in 2004 following several episodes of congestive heart failure caused by hypertension and Renal Artery Stenosis following many years of Crohn's Disease and arthritis. Margaret was still driving at the time and going out to do light shopping once a week but I took over most of the household duties.

In 2005 Margaret had what was described as "a complete rheumatological failure" with swelling of most of her joints and vasculitis. During this period she suffered the first of several mini strokes which affected her left side of her body slightly and even more importantly caused mild vascular dementia. She became less able to cope with day to day activities and I applied for official care status from the Australian Government for which I receive a payment of $104 every two weeks!

In 2006 Margaret had an undefined but widespread infection which hospitalized her for several weeks before it was discovered that she had diverticulitis. Surgery was performed to carry out a partial bowel resection where the Sigmoid Colon was removed which with her Crohn' Disease meant that Margaret would have continual bowel incontinence problems from then on.

In 2007 and 2008 Margaret had a series of falls causing multiple bruising and even fracturing her eye orbit. She had multiple problems and spent some time in Intensive Care having blood transfusions to restore her hemoglobin levels. At this time she was assessed by the Government as requiring Constant Low Level Care which gave her access to more support which is when Blue Care became involved.

In 2009 she was hospitalized five times and spent over two weeks in intensive care. In August she had a fall and apparent heart failure. In fact she had had two recent mini strokes affecting her balance and more seriously was suffering acute renal failure. This was stabilized and she spent two weeks in rehabilitation to get her back on her feet. Before releasing Margaret I was counseled by the hospital's sTaff on Margaret's future. She could have been transfered to a Nursing Home for frail aged persons or I could continue to care for her at home. By this time her driving license was revoked and we sold her little car. In October I started this blog

I had the romantic idea that caring for Margaret would be a self rewarding task but in fact it has become a daily grind without many rewards. Margaret's dementia has increased dramatically and she has become more and more selfish. If anything upsets her she get really annoyed and abusive towards me. I am told that this is the effect of the toxins in her blood affecting her brain.

Some things are just a little irritating and occasionally amusing. An annoying thing is her inability to understand times or dates. On the day of her Doctor's visit this Tuesday she asked me when she should get up and I said about 9.30 am. This was at 7.00 am and I don't exaggerate when I say that she wheeled herself out to ask me the same question 5 more times but at 9.30 was fast asleep and didn't want to get up.

An amusing incident was on Wednesday when following a minor accident Margaret had put her incontinence pants in a kitchen tidy bag with handles. She she couldn't find a clean pair. By the time I got to her following her calls for help she was standing with her feet through the handles of the bag with the soiled pants still in it complaining that she didn't know how to get them on. I calmed her down but couldn't help laughing at the ridiculous sight.

The thing that has got me really upset is Margaret's reaction to a minor event which occurred on Monday night. She had made a fuss about having more that her normal ration of wine and refilled her glass. I gave up and went into the kitchen to empty the dishwasher before going to bed. I could her her calling Louis and offering him wine to drink. This annoyed me and I told her to stop. Since then she has started calling me a liar and that she was feeding Louis, At the time she told me that he wouldn't drink the wine anyway.

Things were tense during her Doctor's visit. Actually her blood tests showed that her kidneys were holding on at an eGFR of 28. Poor but better tan we had hoped for. While not knowing the story behind the tenseness A, the Doctor, told Margaret how proud he was of her to keep going on and what a good job I was doing looking after her. Margaret was noncommittal in her response an I bit my tongue.

Wednesday morning I received a call from Blue Care asking if I still wanted my respite period next Wednesday to go to my Computer Club. I confirmed the arrangement but Margaret overheard me. She made a fuss most of the day saying that she didn't want anybody in the house checking up on her and that she was going out on her own. This is funny as the previous day A had said that she must always use her wheelchair when she goes outside and she really can't wheel herself. I ignored the fuss and didn't respond.

Things were still tense over dinner and afterwards we had the same act over wine. She got very abusive and brought up Louis and wine again. She told me I was a horrible person and a liar because she had not had as much to drink as I said and that she had never given wine to Louis. The later became the important thing and she screamed and verbally abused me until she went to bed. She continued, from about 9.30 pm to 1.30 am, getting out of bed and coming to abuse me. She would ram her wheely walker against my bed to wake me, scream abuse and departing slamming doors as she went. At one stage she had the gas fire lighter which I use to light her candle at night. She was switching it on on and off, waving the flame near my face and threatening to burn me. In the end I grabbed it and snapped in half to prevent her using it again. I had decided not to respond to Margaret's abuse and kept my mouth shut and this seemed to infuriate her more. I knew that if I responded I could lose my temper and the way things were going get violent. I finally got to sleep about 2.00 am this morning.

And that is why I haven't blogged for a while. There is no reward when the person you care is totally selfish, abusive and thinks that you are a nasty evil lying bastard.